


Imagine it at The Hanged Man

by Tofiam



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Fun, Funny, Humour, Multi, The Hanged Man - Freeform, cheap jokes, dialogues, rude language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3638151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tofiam/pseuds/Tofiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am sick and twisted creature - that's why I imagined just chit-chating of my favourite characters between my shifts and so. <br/>Mostly (funny, I hope) dialogues I have no usage of in stories. I put them on my tumblr, feel free to look there, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Justice ruins the cards

„Blondie, you are really terrible at cards.“  
„I know.“  
„It’s probably connected to the fact you start glowing blue when you try to cheat.“  
„IT’S NOT JUSTIFIED!“  
„Oh yeah, and that too… Just do not cheat.“  
„But you and Isabela are cheating. I’m going to loose my money anyway, Varric.“  
„Congratulations! You figured it out completely on your own. Life’s easier when you face the irrefutable. Another round anyone?“


	2. Neckromance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Necromance is fun... or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Varric-self is killing me.

„What’s _heckromance_?“   
„Rivaini, looking under ones hands is considered prying or spying. Did you hear about that?“   
„I might. But still, what’s _heckromance_ , Varric?“   
„It’s _ne-cro-mance_.“   
„ _Neckromance_? I like that!“   
„Oh, Isabela, I know. He means necromance. It’s a mage technique animating dead bodies. Actually it could be more fun with neckromance, I think. Or maybe not. All that bodies would just loose pieces of meat and skeletons have no real neck to romance at all. Oh, halla’s horns, did I say something wrong again?“   
„Definitelly not, kitten. I’m just too sober for this.“   
„And that’s why books about Tevinters never sold out, Daisy.“


	3. Suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you do something so stupid no one is even surprised you end up dead.

„You called me because of a dead body of a bard in the Hanged Man, Donnic?“   
„It was a suicide, Guard Captain Aveline.“   
„Okay, let me guess. False player?“   
„Yes.“   
„Wicked Grace?“   
„Fiddles.“   
„A suicide, then.“


	4. Stripping Diamondback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heh, you can be loosing on purpose if you cheat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aveline and Hawke in this one. And kind of Fenabela.

„I’m sorry, hero, but as you can see you have to wait.“  
„How long are they playing _Stripping Diamondback_ , exactly?“  
„Not long, Hawke, this is like a third round.“  
„He didn’t loose even that big damn sword!“  
„Yeah… I think that pirate whore is kind of loosing on purpose. Honestly, her non-working tactic just made my day a little brighter.“  
„I beg to differ, Aveline.“  
„You beg to differ with everything including Fenris, Hawke.“  
„What can I say, I am a weak man. Besides, I know that smirk on his face and I would loose for that, too. It’s working, you can bet.“  
„I bet only she ends up naked ‘till nightfall.“  
„You say that about Isabela all the time.“  
„But not about Fenris, Hawke. See? I’m giving you a chance for _your own weakness_.“


	5. A wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is real aka stolen banter from my roommate and her new boyfriend. I have a permission, so maybe it's not stealing.... whatever.

„So, Hawke, tell me all about it.“  
„No, Varric, there’s no actual sweeping of feet. We pledged to ourselves and my mother not to get naked untill a wedding.“  
„Really? And I thought you and Blondie look kind of happier and skin-cleaner.“  
„Not _our_ wedding. Someone is wed somewhere all the time, I suppose.“  
„Hawke, you spoil the mage.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About skin-cleaner... we have a rumour that sex is good for that.


	6. Foreplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahem.. what can I say, I am Queen of Innuendos. :D

„Hey, Isabela, show me your cockle!“  
„My seashell’s with a pearl, not for everyone!“  
„Come one, I guess there was a bit of dry spell in a port.“  
„Maybe… But I would wreck your ship.“  
„I would gladly sail between those marvelous cliffs and die.“  
„Hmm, you are surely good at treasure hunting…“  
„You can loot my body at my room.“

„Varric, can you explain what I’ve just overheard?“  
„That, Hawke, was a pirate foreplay. And please don’t ask me ever again.“


	7. Garters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blood, sweat and tears. And garters.

"Add this: But she needed to tame him first the hard way."  
"Oh, I see. Blood, sweat and tears, I heard about that."  
"Also garters."  
"I like that, Isabella!"  
"Rivaini, you are not corrupting Daisy with your friendfiction, aren't you?"  
"Believe me, it's beyond friend and definitelly not a fiction!"


End file.
